So Today becomes one of those milestones that gets an additional layer of memory, poignance? I’m not sure of the  word. It’s the first time my brother isn’t here  for his birthday. It’s also the  anniversary of my mother’s death. A double-marker:)

I’m not sure what I’m feeling or how I’m feeling. Mostly, at peace. They  both lived full, rich lives and hopefully made peace with whatever aspects of their lives may not have been what they hoped for.

Anyway- it’s been a quiet week, mostly, with my Sister-in-law here. I’ve been trying to be a layer of support for her, which comes with its own set of challenges. Nothing is going to make her journey easier. And nothing is going to replace the life-partner she had. So I am sure I am a very mixed bag– re many aspects (good and bad) that remind her of Rion. But I am not him and cannot fill that space. I never had that perception. But anyone going through  grief deserves the compassion of the people around them.

I hope my mother also has found peace. She was an incredible woman, born before her time- a brilliant mind that should have been in a place like MIT. But in her day, the acceptable roles for women were very limited. Over the years, she learned auto-mechanics, re-upholstered furniture, taught herself basic plumbing, electrical work, could grout tiles, as well as sew and garden etc.

I think that’s where I learned how to “figure it out.” It was also fostered by the “go look it up,” approach to parenting. Note- this was before the days of phones and internet. I pored through dictionaries and encyclopedias searching for answers and often wandering through the pages where one thing led to another.

Anyway- a few photos from this past week.

And- I got quite a laugh when I saw the  hay bales up at the  farm– thinking… evidently, there are some lines even a hay bale won’t cross:)

but even a hay bale might push the boundaries;)

And a handful of random shots from the week. A  baby cow that was born the day I was there, an adorable face on another baby cow. And a few pics of Carolyn, wearing the crow-shawl I got her for her birthday, along with the spiritual-project had she was making as a grief–project… embracing nature. Those kinds of projects are journeys in themselves. I don’t recall the specifics off hers. But often, the components all carry symbolic value. A piece collected that means something.  Every item represents some emotional or physical element, and carries memory, emotion and/or intention. I know one piece was a bit of bark dropped by a crow that almost landed on her.. and she saw that as a kind of message-greeting from my brother;)